Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize