I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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