You're my little dorito
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I need to calm my uterus...
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
