I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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