On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize
