everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Randomize
