Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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