Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
