Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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