i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
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