There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
