My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize