I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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