Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
