Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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