is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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