It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
the raccoons are back...
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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