I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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