I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Randomize
