I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
