how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
