I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Pants are for mortals
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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