i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
