the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I want to fling myself into the sun
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