I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
