Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
