I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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