i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
