Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
