Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
