By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
