I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
