FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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