Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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