Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
