If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
smell my finger.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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