she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
