You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
