My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
