if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
