youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
