I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize