dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
