I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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