I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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