shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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