btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
