I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
now i know why i became what i already was.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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