i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
