Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
