And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
