No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
