I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
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