Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
