the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
