and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
