ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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