Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
