apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
i think i have two assholes
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
that is very illegal...i love you.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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