I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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