im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
