Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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