Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
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