I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
