alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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