Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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