oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Randomize
