i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I accidentally burped into my bong.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
