i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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