man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
