Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Randomize
