I can tuck mytits in my pants
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
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