Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Randomize
