My room smells like vodka and shame
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
