I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
