Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
