you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
