Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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