omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Randomize
