I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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